Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
