yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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