i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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