I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
