He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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