He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
