at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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