my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
