I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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