Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
