I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
