I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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