Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
