I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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