Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
