He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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