i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize