week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
