Can i not drive my cunt home
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
