One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
