The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
