And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
