We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize