Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
