i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
