Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize