remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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