The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize