next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
