There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize