oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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