i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
