You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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