so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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