Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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