I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
