I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
