Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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