don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
