ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
