I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
