It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
