we're blogging at a bar
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize