Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
this just has baby written all over it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
