...so i touched it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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