In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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