Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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