What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
