The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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