I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
