Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
