Umm I'm too high to move.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
