Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
