You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
