What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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