whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
