Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize