I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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