"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
