If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
