I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize