We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
