This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
