haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
