he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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