ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
