He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
