Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
