Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
