3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
