2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
40s are totally the cure
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
