I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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