that's an acceptable place to lick
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
