are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
