I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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