It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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