I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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