did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
