We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
