did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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