OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
