I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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