i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
