I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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