Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize