Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
