If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You made out with two different species that night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
