just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
