if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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