she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
