I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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