I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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