Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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