why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
